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We Define Ourselves

He was there then he wasn’t. He was “there for us” at his own convenience when he had nothing else better to do. Me being his first child and only daughter, I was the one who experienced it all first. My two little brothers came after me and I swore to protect them like a momma bear would protect her own cubs. It was the promises he made to us three that he could never keep. The three of us being beautiful stained glass and him, our father, shattering us to millions of pieces. I was the one to fix my brothers glass and step on every last piece of glass so that they would never have to experience that kind of pain at such a young age.

Age Six: I believed he was our hero, strong like the hulk and could fly like superman. It was us 4 (plus my mom) all of us against the world. I thought he would always protect us and never let us get hurt. No one could compare to our dad, he was the best there could possibly be. The joy he brought us, the smiles he put on our faces; all only at age six.

When I started to grow up I realized he does not define who we are. He may be our dad by blood but that is it. A true dad is not your dad connected by blood, but connected by heart.

Age Seven: We were all blessed when our mom got married to whom we now call our dad. He has taught me not to rely on someone or let them define who you are. You are your own person and you can not let anyone tell you who to be, or what you can and can not be. in the end you should always have a smile on your face, and not let anyone take your joy from you.

Age Fifteen: No one has seen me without a smile on my face. I always stay positive in the bad situations and do not let other peoples opinions define who I am as a person. Only I can say and decide who I am and what I want to be because this is just the beginning. And all of our beautiful stained glass can be fixed.

Dear Blog Readers,

It was so much fun being in this writing class and being able to express my thoughts and feelings. From the beginning to now I have grown so much as a writer. I never thought I would be as good of a writer as I am now. I am sad to say this is my last blog post. It was so much fun being apart of a blog and it was fun to be a writer. Maybe I will write again in the future but until now It is goodbye my friends.

In the beginning….

In the beginning I saw writing  as a useless thing that people do.I never intended to like it as much as I do now. Writing has changed the way I view things and how I write new pieces going forward. Writing for me now is a way to express myself and the way I feel. I can let out all of my emotions and thoughts in my head and just be free and have fun with things. My journey as a writer had greatly improved, everything from my grammar to use of imagery and dialogue. My writing style is very descriptive and I try and give as much detail as possible so that my readers can really engage on what I am expressing. I also always try and make my pieces about something that has either happened to me or is about my thoughts and feelings.

The piece I chose is a abecedarian poem including all letter A to Z in the alphabet. I did this poem on my little siblings (as you can see above). My little siblings are the ones who inspired me to write this because they look up to me when it comes to school, advice, or just plainly anything. I don’t want to write something random when I have the time to write, I like to write about something that means to me or something I value. My little brother and sister are two people in my life that I value so much and two people that I would protect with my life. Now personally I know highschool can be hard, I mean I am living it right now. I just wanted to write a poem that could give advice to them about life and high school that hopefully they will use one day. That is why I chose a abecedarian poem.

Advice for my younger siblings:

Always be you

Be kind

Care for others

Don’t let others bring you down

Everyone makes mistake

Forget the past

Give to others

Help others

Invent something new

Joke around

Know your worth

Let people help you

Make sure to help mom

Never disrespect mom

Open up to people

Prepare yourself for high school

Quit trying to impress people

Remember the good times

Say please and

Thank you

Use your manners

your Voice is heard

Watch your language

eXit a bad environment

You need to let

Zero toxic people into your life

Her and Me Now Him and Her

Gloria- She is 15 years old, tall and very athletic, kind hearted but very boy obsessive

Gretta- She is 15 and Gloria is her best friend, she is very positive and always smiling, athletic and short

Ian- He is 16 years old, very athletic, in love with Gloria, mean to Gretta,very controlling and does drugs.

IAN

You shouldn’t be friends with her, she is just trying to break us up. You know that don’t you?

GLORIA

I don’t think she is trying to break us up. I (beat)….I think she just feels left out that’s all

IAN

Well in the end babe I am your boyfriend and—-

                                                                                 Gloria stops Ian in mid sentence.

GLORIA

But she is my best friend. You both are very important to me and I love you both the same.

IAN

Your just going to have to pick. Is it going to be Gretta or me Gloria?

GLORIA

You can’t just ask me to pick between my best friend and my boyfriend. That isn’t fair.

IAN

Would you rather have me or her Gloria?

                                                                                      Gloria pauses a moment to think about

                                                                                   the next thing she is going to say. Then

                                                                                  she continues on what she had to say.

GLORIA

(In a soft voice)you.

IAN

I’m glad.

GLORIA

I guess I will go find Gretta now and tell her what I have just decided.

IAN

Good idea babe. Call me after when you did it and let me know how it went, Love you.

GLORIA

Okay.

Gloria then goes to find Gretta at her

                                                                                           house playing basketball to tell her

                                                                         the decision she made.

GRETTA

Oh hey Gloria, didn’t see ya there what’s up?

GLORIA

So I made a decision…

GRETTA

Decision about what?

GLORIA

(Beat) I choose Ian.

GRETTA

What do you mean you choose Ian? Like choose him over me? Your best friend?

GLORIA

Yes. I’m sorry.

GRETTA

Are you kidding me right now? A boy over your best friend?! After everything we have been through? All the times I have been there for you, the times i’ve been your shoulder to cry on, the times I gave you advice, and now all of a sudden you just gonna choose him over me your best friend? Who is gonna be there for you when you guys break up? Whos gonna be your shoulder to cry on? Who are you going to go to for advice when things are rough between the both of you? Your gonna have no one because you keep pushing everyone out for a stupid boy, I mean it is highschool no one is thinking about marriage.

GLORIA

We aren’t going to break up.

GRETTA

How do you know that?

GLORIA

Because I love him and he loves me.

GRETTA

Right. But people change.

GLORIA

He won’t. You don’t understand what it is like to be so madly in love with someone.

GRETTA

That is where you’re wrong. Don’t you remember? I was in love with his best friend. We dated for six and a half months. I was so madly in love with him. He was the one person I wanted to be with all the time. I would ditch plans with my friends just to hang with him. I wouldn’t study for a test I had just to be with him. Then one day he changed. He broke up with me over text on our seven month anniversary. He lied to me. He cheated. And what do I get out of that whole relationship? A broken heart. I gave him my all, did everything I could to make sure he was happy, and loved him with everything I had. So Gloria do not tell me I don’t understand because I do. I dated his best friend and if Ian is anything like Jacob he will do the same thing Jacob did to me just with you. I could never let you go through what Jacob put me through. I always try and protect you at all costs and now you are just leaving me? How is that fair?

GLORIA

I love you both Gretta but I do not want to lose Ian. He isn’t like Jacob, just because they’re best friends does not mean they are the same.

GRETTA

So you would obviously rather lose me than your boyfriend Ian and how do you know that they aren’t the exact same? I mean we are best friends and we are practically the same.

GLORIA

It’s different with boys

GRETTA

Right.

GLORIA

Look I’m sorry I don’t want you to hate me.

GRETTA

That’s funny because even though your choosing a guy over me, I still love you as much as I did before you came over here and started having this conversation with me. If you ever need anything I am always here for you, I will have your back always, and I will be your shoulder to cry on whenever you need because that’s what best friends do.

GLORIA

Same goes for you.

GRETTA

I’ll see you around, I am sure your boyfriend is waiting to get a call from you.

GLORIA

How did yo-

                                                               Gretta stops Gloria mid question

GRETTA

I told you I am your best friend I know you better than anyone else. I always will.

A Change

I see him everyday.

On my way to school: in the same spot, wearing the same clothes, holding the same red balloon. It is nearly winter and there is snow on the ground and all he wore was a flannel with holes and worn out jeans. My mom told me not to talk to strangers so I did not even bother stare at him yet alone talk to him. He looked creepy anyway so why would it even matter. I was walking home from school one day and I happen to make eye contact with him.

He looked at me and I looked at him. All of a sudden he held out his hand with the balloon in it like he was giving it to me. I did not say a word I just looked at him. In that moment when I looked at him I could see the loneliness in his eyes.

I started to walk towards the old man and he grabbed my hand and put the string of the balloon in it. Before I could say anything he said in a soft voice,

“With my last breath I want to say to you…. change the world, be different, and do not judge a book by its cover.”

Then he stopped

           Reached in his pocket

Pulled out a needle

and popped the balloon.

From that balloon something fell. It was a note that read,

“For I know you, yet you look at me and what you see isn’t very pleasing. Go out and be       different.”

As he read that note allowed it seemed as if it began to change me. After he got done reading I grabbed his old wrinkly hang, said thank you and hugged him so tight.

As he took his last breath in my arms.

*BLAH* thanks a lot dad

I run through the black screen door as the sunshine blinds me in the eyes. my dads having a BBQ; deep frying pickles, YUM! My moms planting wildflowers (whatever those are) while my big sister was playing basketball and getting more bruises than she already has. I see someone has half eaten a cupcake and just left it sitting out, what a waste (so I helped them out and finished it). I see a butterfly pretty as can be, I run and run to try and catch it but I am only 3. My dad takes a break from grilling and tries to teach me how to fish. He helps me cast and all of a sudden my line tightens . My dad helps me real and real. I pull it up out of the water it looks weird to me. It’s scales, they were rainbow. My dad told me with a rainbow fish you must make a wish kiss it then throw it back and your wish will come true. So that is what I did. Turns out rainbow fish are just normal fish and my dad just wanted to see me kiss the scaly and slimy fish.

Small world… or at least to me

One step from them could kill me. As I move through the tall strands of grass they walk and make the whole ground shake. They can not see me but trust me I am here, so are many others. A drop of rain is a lake, a crumb a whole feast, a flea is a veracious beast, a ball of fuzz is a bed, and a strand of hair what could compare? Kids crush us for fun while we try and run. We may be small but we can be mighty.

Poem Reflection

The type of poem I wrote is a Abecedarian poem, using all the letters in the alphabet. I chose this type of poem to inspire my younger siblings. My poem gives all of them advice on how to be themselves and be able to always stay positive. This means a lot to me because I am the oldest sibling and they all look up to me and I want to tell them how they can be prepared for the real world when they get older.

Before this class poetry was not apart of my life and I never thought it would have been. I never thought it would have been this much fun. I also never imagined that I would end up liking it as much as I do now. After this unit I have began to like poetry. I love being able to express myself however I want and just be me.

Good at Hiding It

She walks around schools with a smile on her face. That means she is happy right? Her life is perfect? She has got everything figured out? Well that morning when she woke up she heard the sound of her wood door creek open, it was her mom. Ella wondered why her mom was still home, she usually leaves for work at 3am and its now going on 5am. Ella’s mom closes the door quietly, sits on the end of her bed, grabs her hand tightly and with a soft quiet voice says, “honey I lost my job, and your father and I have been arguing a lot lately and he decided to pack all of his things and leave early this morning.” Ella was heart broken but did not show it. She asks her mom in a soft voice, ” are we going to be OK mom?” With a scratchy voice her mother replies, “with your father leaving and me losing my job I do not know how I am going to pay for our rent and your education…” Ella’s mom stops trying to keep her tears in, then continues. ” I am sorry sweetheart but today is going to have to be your last day of school for awhile, at least until I find a new job.” Holding in all her tears Ella says, : I understand mom” and continues to get ready for school. Her mother stops her, gently grabbing her face, her mother kisses her on the forehead and says, ” thank you for always staying my happy girl.” Saying not a word Ella just looks at her mother and smiles.

Ella arrives at school with a smile on her face like nothing that morning was said to her. She has a smile on her face though so everyone thinks she is fine. Well she is not fine. And I was the only one to notice. Ella does not wanna say anything to anyone because she does not know if she can hold back the tears and if she cries at school people will think she just wants attention. So she just does not say a word.

Everyone makes fun of her because she is too short and not pretty enough. They start to make rumors about her, but she is still perfectly fine right? I mean she is still smiling as everyone is saying these awful things, so of course shes fine. She walks in the halls not saying a word to anyone, getting pushed and shoved. She sits alone at lunch because everyone thinks she is too weird.

It is the end of the day and she gets off the bus realizing not one person knew that was he last day she would be at school because she had not talked to anyone about what happened that morning. Ella just kept that cheese smile on her face. I was the only one to notice. Walking home from the bus stop kids came up behind her and pushed her in a muddy puddle. Her coat and bag are ruined. Her white pants are brown her new shoes are garbage. They all run away laughing as she gets up and shouts “THAT WAS A GOOD ONE GUYS, DIDN’T SEE YA COMING.” and laughs as she still wears that cheese smile.

She gets home throws her soggy bag and coat on the floor, flings off her ruined shoes, runs to the bathroom, looks in the mirror and says, “I wish someone cared enough to ask.” Ella lifted up her hand slowly and brought it near her face and pulled. Looking through the small bathroom window I saw all the sadness she was feeling that she hid under that cheese smile. At that moment I knew what had to be done. All of a sudden Ella hears a knock at the door, she throws her happy mask on and answers the door. Standing on the other side of the door was me, Ella’s father.

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